alanmdouglas

Dear Therese,

I popped in on this a few says ago, read a little, and - help ! - saw how long it was. So now I'm back, and see you have done a revision.

I have not read the whole thing yet, but have some (slightly unkind) comments. It is still too long - mainly because you include some things which, yes, are NY, but are also every other place too, so are not that which makes NY unique.

Overall, for ME, altho you do rhyme, this reads like a very fine piece of prose. To make it more "poetry" I think quite a few words would need to be cut, making the language much tighter. Here is a sample of what I mean :

X = word del, there are one or two punct changes too.

New York! X hub of excitMENT X
X X X pulse of fashion & fine wine - wine singular = plural here
Broadway musicals, X fantastic plays
X that have X found, OR lost their way.
The heartbeat of culture, do come to the Theatre! DEL whole line ?

NR, I hope this is not too much of a downer, there IS quality here, need polishing up like a gem to reveal the facets. It is more important to get the ESSENCE rather than to have a catalogue of e-v-e-r-y-thing !

Good luck with further revision, send me a PM when you have posted one, or I might miss it - am very busy now!

Love
Alan