alanmdouglas

Dear Sartor,

I think I’ve noted before that you do not like too much interference in your poems, so I have steered clear, but this is so (almost) good that I wanted to offer you a few alts, to adopt, adapt, or chuck. Where I have made a change, there is a *. Compare line by line, or in some cases, a few lines at a time. Sometimes I have changed a word which has already just appeared, sometimes I hope I have improved the flow with enjambment, have a look at each of my offerings, and take what you like.

One thing - read both versions ALOUD, the touongue cannot glide over gltsches the way the eye does.

Love
Alan

I BLEED RED, WHITE AND BLUE

From the hot Sonora Desert,
where the tall saguaro grows,
to the northwest’s* Cascade Mountains,
where the great Columbia flows;*
f*rom the lobster traps of* Boston,
where the cold nor’easter blows,
t*o the rugged Rocky Mountains,
dressed in frozen winter snows.
I deeply love this land of plenty,
and Bud, I’m telling you, - “Bud” spoils this great oration !
if they ever cut me open,
I will* bleed red, white and blue!

I’ve* served beneath her banner,
i*n both peacetime and in war,*
f*ighting to keep* our freedoms,
keeping tyranny from the* door.
If I were* I called *to the battle,
I would gladly go once more.
Someday I know I’ll follow,
those* old comrades gone before.
If they need some patriotism,
tap my veins before I’m through,
then stand by for a flood of love,
I bleed red, white and blue!

Whether she’s standing at the gale,
or floating on the breeze,
or snapping in an* autumn wind,
it sets my heart at ease (no endstop
*to see Old Glory on parade,
or through a vale of trees,
and* on a solders uniform,
it never fails to please.
As* this old Veteran proudly stands,
allegiance I renew,
just ask and I will* give * my blood,
for* I bleed red, white and blue.