mzlisa

First, I can see the flow. As for juvenile.....i don't think so. Great visuals.

i dont like when you do this:

w/God

but write out

with the devil





'Watch her soul {start}crumbling,



Mentally she's above your level,
Her strength... a revolutionary rebel,
The difference is-
she walks with God-
You walk with the devil.
She reigns,
wearing God's triumphant medal.


Eventually she will break,
And he better hope for his life's sake,
That she spares him of all the pain,
She's held inside.

The last 2 sentences break from the rhythm

you coold do this if you like:

Eventually she will break,
And he better hope for his life's sake,
That she spares him of all the pain,
She's held inside. (of the vicious cycle of give and take) maybe?

Oh, the beauty in just being alive!


overall, very nice! I'm lisa, nice to meet you!