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Hey now PD. This is a great story premise. I like the dark, ghostly theme ya got goin' on here, great imagination. The only suggestions I can think of is to go over your puncts and sentences - paring them down. Everything else is good, you did a hell of a job writing a story around pre-selected words, now you're into the revision stage (which is never done in one sitting), from here you'll see where your story will go. I've found the revision process can be just as entertaining as the writing process - have fun and great job on this, thanx for postin'.................................
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