mangodroplet

This....was a reply to a friend...when we were fighting about a couple things, some about how we don't talk enough, etc...he said this
"True friends don't need each other. When you need someone, you use them. Do you hate the fact that you can't use me?"

and at this point, I was feeling pretty crappy. so here's my rant.



I'm sorry.
what else can i say?

i can't point it to hormones.
i can't point it to human nature.
i can't point it to stupidity.
i just have to point at myself.

and the fact is, i need someone.
i'm not like you.
i'm not self-sufficient.
you can preach about saying that true friends don't need each other.
you can say it all you want.
and if you believe that's true, then you're going to want to find a true friend somewhere else, because i'm not it.

I'm sorry if i don't fit your visions of a perfect friend.
or a true friend.
or even a good friend.

and you know why i wanted to keep away?
because i've realized that i'm just a poison to those around me.
and you can preach that you have to change yourself.
that you have to be better.
that you can do all things through God.
but chances are, i'm too deep to feel like doing anything.

we can all say that we need to do what's right.
and maybe just being around screws everyone over.
and that's not right.

and if i leave, you won't need me, because you say that's what true friends are.
and then it's ok.
it's ok if i go away.
far away.
and just leave.

it's ok if i stop being around.
stop hurting others, because no one needs me.

it's ok that instead of hating myself, i don't have to hate anything anymore.
it's ok that instead of crying myself to sleep, i don't have to shed anymore tears.
it's ok that instead of trying to block my mind from the thoughts of things, i don't have to think anymore.
it's ok that instead of having to express myself, i don't have to be anyone anymore.

and that's ok. because i'm not giving up.
i'm just letting go.
and doing what's right for everyone else.
and my self doesn't matter.
because i'm not benefiting myself anyway.