Sally Roberts

Dear Kim:

First of all I absolutely devoured the story. It was like I was watching a movie and I didn't DARE get up to get some popcorn, or I would have missed something.

I only have just two suggestions on it.
In the second paragraph where it says "
An odd burning stench seemed to welcome their nostrils"
I think if you were to edit out the word welcomed and replaced it with the word invade it could read like this.
"An odd burning stench seemed to invade their nostrils"
the word welcomed sounds like maybe they invited the stench instead of trying to avoid it.

And in the fifth paragraph where it says Noel ran for the men's lavatory?
If it is still an old fashioned town from the 1800s they probably wouldn't have an inside lavatory or restroom. He should have ran out to the back of the building where the outhouse was.
It would sound more like an old coal town.

Other than these two suggestions. I rate it an excellent story I was on that beautiful train with them.

Thanks for the superb read!!!!