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You wrote:
A ghastly and feverish look poured over her face, from what was before a very sophisticated looking woman, from the sight of Rebeca.
I suggest:
At the sight of REbeca, a ghastly and feverish look poured over the sophisticated looking woman's face.
You wrote:
What happened to these people that seemed to just vanish?
I suggest:
What happened to the people that seemed to just vanish? (I'm not sure of this one, since my grammar also sucks, but it sounded right).
The trio asked if anyone have (had) investigated the grounds around the old trains. That question alone, cleared a room in a matter of minutes. Another anomaly the reporters faced was() that the older townspeople shuddered in fear at the site (sight) of Rebeca, and proclaimed Black Annie was back!!
Noel, (said) he had to vomit (and), ran to the outhouse.
A lot of the problems (why I call them that, I don't know) will be worked out as the story comes along. I don't see anything other than what I've put above which won't be worked out by the time the story's finished.
Gail
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