Poetry in Color Forum - View Single Post - Dali Diary Entry #1, February 17th, 1949-----Chocolate Dreams
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Old 05-03-2008, 11:15 PM
DaveKuzminski
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Real Name: Dave Kuzminski
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This reminds me in a good way of how some novels began in the early 1900s. It's simple, direct to the point, and it lets the reader determine within the first page whether to go on reading (or make a purchase). Though the hints are rather broad about the individual being a vampire, it's not definite meaning it could be be someone occult. I'm of a divided opinion as to how soon the actual identity and makeup of the hidden individual should be revealed. You run the risk of aggravating anyone who doesn't care for vampire stories if you reveal that too late while you have a similar risk of limiting your readership if you reveal that too soon.

In other matters, capitalization is in need of work. Psychologist is not an uncommon profession, so it's not in need of capitalization in the first sentence. Also, and even more distracting is the formatting. Please highlight the entire section and use the flush left-ragged right paragraph setup. I put off reading this until now hoping that would be fixed.
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