Quote:
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This mysterious haze of a woman, my lover, had been visiting me every night, leaving behind aromas of dust, naked bone, and arcane blood. She didn’t have a face, didn’t speak, and was virtually invisible; yet, I could still feel her gossamer like touch and the goose bump chill of her breath.
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wow KIM - This 4th edit you've presented is nearly immaculate in my opinion - it's so interesting to see the metamorphosis between the 1st post and the edited entries - your story has definitely taken on an interesting shape. I too am glad you didn't center the texts, it reads much better when the text is left-aligned.
At anyrate - this is quite an impressive write - Very poetically stated actually. Oh! And I'm so happy to see that you implemented some of the suggestions JOLIE and MS N and GAIL added - You can definitely tell you've gained a bit of insight into your story from the suggestions made - Wonderful to see... And the passage I highlighted above - I think perhaps it may be JUST enough of a hint that there is some "other-worldly" event in the works. Sounds like just the hint of a vampire tale. Just enough to whet my appetite for entry #2
Very nice - Moving on to Dali Diary Entry #2
Jacquii.
ps - I am so glad you edited the word "piquant" to "captivating" because I'm not exactly sure a person can be piquant - perhaps a bellpepper can be a piquant one, or the color burgandy can be piquant if the sun hits it just right
LOL
