mountainpepper

I ain’t a doctor and never will be,
But one night I got into hot water,
I was trying to help but it didn’t help me,
The night a young wife had a daughter.

And it all began with a sunset,
And me underneath a palm tree,
Cutting some fronds off the palm,
Due to threats from the S.E.C.

As I cut away fronds near the wire,
A spike lanced into my hand,
And try as I might to retrieve it,
The flamin’ thing had made a stand.

I couldn’t quite hold it with tweezers,
And a needle could just feel the end,
Now seeing that it’s after hours,
Outpatients I’ll have to attend.

And quietly I sat and I waited,
My turn for the doctor to see,
When a fellow stormed through the door,
In panic he yelled, “Please help me!”

“My wife is out there in a taxi,
And right now she’s having a baby!”
Swiftly the waiting room emptied,
And the only one left there is me.

So I ran to the aid of the father,
And flung open the taxicab door,
Removing the young mothers clothes,
And throwing them onto the floor.

Her contractions were ever so close,
I could tell by the way she did shout,
So I yelled at her “Keep on pushing,
And the baby will find it’s way out”.

But she insisted on wanting to sit up,
I laid across her, to hold her down,
Her legs and her arms were all flaying,
And she really was going to town.

Now I was beginning to panic,
‘Cause I think her water just broke,
And as I tried to feel for the baby,
Somebody grabbed me and spoke.

It was the young mother’s husband,
Who thanked me but said, “You’re too late,
My wife has delivered a girl,
And you’re in the wrong taxi mate!”