Quote:
Originally Posted by alotmarc
Thank you first of all... I joined this site to get some help with wrapping my head around poetry. So your ( as being the only one) opinion is a blessing.
Ok this i guess was kinda taken out of text as I wrote it in a restaurant the other day. I kept hearing these loud and obnoxious guys talking about the war and how there couldnt be a god. This ones going to hell that ones going to hell. All this sent my mind in a frenzy and I wrote. So I guess there needs to be a lead into it as I will work on it......
Thank you
Marc
P.S. I will post one as well that had a little more time to brew...
|
Dear Marc,
First..
to JPiC. Second please don't get discouraged as often times in the summer months the forum seems to slow down a bit and poems take a bit more time to get to and be read.
I do like this poem as I felt it demanded attention and obviously has a strong message. I do agree in my opinion that you need a strong lead in. I thank you for the background for this and things seem clearer. The poem begins with such strong and powerful language, and I love that. However, yes, the beginning stanza reads of the conflict and "urgency", that leads to your emphasized word "LISTEN." At first, I was not quite sure as to who you were referring to to "listen", but after reading the background it is crystal clear. I look forward to the revision of this and you will absolutely get the help here for poetry and other literary needs. Take care.
Kim
