Hi Chelsea,
I found the poem very descriptive, interesting and haunting. In my opinion, I like the title and I agree with AE 100 % about the repetitiveness aspect, as well as holding your audience's attention for more fluidity. I am never one to change an artist's vision from what you first scribe, however, perhaps, the following example or some variation will help. I also separated the rhymes into two-line stanzas to help emphasize the beauty of your words, and for more breathing room so to speak amongst your lines. Hope this helps and I enjoyed the read very much.
This is where you start to tear me down all over again
where we start to separate bone from skin
This is how our lives fall to ashes all around
how your life is changed without warning or sound
Kimberley
