Sure. Let me show you what I mean (and this is just a suggestion). Perhaps take out spaces and group significant phrases together using line breaks, like this:
Quote:
My mind shows me and the embrace of good,
overcoming mistakes,
I just got a taste of evil
and shook it off
like a snake sheds its skin,
I make the equation
for the world I want to live in,
I envoke clean air like greenhouse emissions,
speaking clearly my position and believe
in what I've written.
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If you want to tighten further, removing a's and the's is a good place to start. I have a hard time tightening my own poems sometimes (see Desert Guitars in Creative Traditional for an example) so I know it can be hard to discard words when they all meant so much when you wrote them.
Anyway, all this is just one guy's opinion. Hope it helped, or at least didn't hurt. Write on!
--Jeff Meyer
