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Old 08-06-2008, 05:02 PM
  post #3
SarahNSH
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I gotta agree with nomad that you picked just the perfect name for this poem, and, you convey the feelings and thoughts with this poem that I'm sure many people can relate to.

A little spelling tidbit to point out though:

well i haven't forgot
and never will
i s'pose that's my burden to bear
-

And one more thing as well is this right here:
but our brief encounter
left me a bit empty
now your loving heart has disappeared.


The last line reads a bit long and kind of throws off the flow for your poem, but this is just my opinion and completely my thoughts too. I do have a suggestion for you though that you can take or leave if you want:

but our brief encounter
left me a bit empty
now your loving heart
has disappeared.


For me it just reads a lot smoother to me with this line break but, again, these are just my thoughts and I hope you don't mind me making this suggestion but it seems to read better for me when I read through it and tried out this line break with your stanza.

Anywho, altogether I enjoyed reading this poem and especially the fact that I could relate to it so much with the subject matter of it and what you're saying. I especially liked the last stanza where you say that even when you try to forget that person you aren't saying that you don't care about them. This is definitely a read I'm glad I came across and thank you for sharing!



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