SarahNSH

Hey Gail!

Okay, warning and alert that I'm going into reviewer mode, lol. I've spent about an hour or so on this review and have been picking out the things I liked, really liked, the things that could be improved, and suggestions here and there I have for you. I just hope to provide you with a helpful review and overall enjoyed this chapter.

Okay, here's something that I noticed when I was reading through your chapter:

She removed her hands from Brinn’s swollen abdomen and straightened. She looked around the cottage for the first time. Why isn’t water warming on the fire? Where are the cloths for cleaning and garb for the babe? Why isn’t the quilt on the floor where it belongs? She decided first things first. “Come, while the child is resting, we must ready. Let’s get water warming and cloths gathered for cleaning. Where is the garb for the babe?”-

I have this same problem with my own Novel with trying to change it up. I would say maybe replacing every other "She" with "Martha" or "the midwife." This is just a suggestion though and completely up to you.

Mara tried reasoning with Brinn between contractions, tried helping her with pain control, before they became stronger but Brinn chose to ignore her, using her screams to punctuate each contraction.

Mara tried to teach her pain management in the first hours of labor, but it hurt!


Okay, I do have a suggestion for the above part so I hope you don't mind. It's just focusing on the repeated words and switching it up. Here is my suggestion:

Mara attempted to reason with Brinn between contractions and help her with pain control before they became stronger. But, Brinn chose to ignore her, using her screams to punctuate each contraction.

Mara tried to teach her pain management in the first hours of labor, but it hurt!


She’d tried reasoning with the woman, trying to help her with pain control. -

I'd suggest maybe changing up this sentence since that the same thing is said with the highlighted part above this. But, of course, this is just a suggestion or you could possibly reword it, or, if you wanted to you can keep it the same. It's your work and this is just my thoughts too.

Thank the King’s grace for small favors! One more scream out of her and I would have stuffed that mouth for her.
-

LOL, this is fantastic, I love this and you can see that she is getting more and more annoyed and what she says with this thought is just great. I love it!

Mara thought, properly quiet too, though it’s surprising, considering how much screaming her mother did, she ought to be screaming too.-

LOL, and this is too fantastic with her thoughts and I really enjoyed this as well. I believe I was thinking the same thing as Mara. Great job!

So quiet! Brinn thought I thought babes cried at birth because they were so disappointed at having left the others behind.-

Hmmmm... I was really wondering what this meant. What others is the baby leaving behind? So, I was wondering with this part what you meant with it so I thought I'd point it out here because it did have me wondering with it.

Okay, one thing that I noticed is that you have several different thoughts going on. With Mara, Brinn, and then Mae with this Mara’s commanding tone irritated Mae. I’m not your servant either, Mara! Your attitude is getting the best of you. I would maybe suggest focusing on just one person with their thoughts, but this is just a suggestion though. It got confusing at times with the different thoughts, though, I gotta say I loved Mara's thoughts the best. She had me smiling and I loved the bluntless with which she said things and the humour of it too.

For your inspection,” she intoned, “One female child, just birthed from Brinn. Ten fingers, ten toes, no extra limbs or other defects. May she be free from the mark!” She held the infant out to Keirn with outstretched arms.-

LOL, this is great, I love how she states "ten fingers, ten toes, no extra limbs..."

The infant’s aura, for someone so new to the world, was strong. The star in the lines of her right palm was what he’d expected to find. Fortunately, only those of the Craft could see it there.
-

Ah, very interesting stuff going on here and I love that he's looking for this mark on the child... this is just a great idea and fits perfectly into a prophecy and really got me even more interested in this with reading on.

Though the volume of his voice didn’t change, the inflection did.-

Wow, great description right here! I liked that and it made me imagine his voice even better that he wasn't exactly raising his voice higher but the inflection was changing though.

Keirn turned and strode toward the cottage and the woman. He didn’t see the angry look Mara shot at him or the pinch she gave the child’s bottom. He was too far away to hear the infant's cry of pain.-

A very good ending and I enjoyed the detail of Mara pinching her bottom and saying that he was too far away to hear the infant's cry. Altogether, Gail, I gotta say this was a great chapter and gave me so much insight to this story that I've definitely been looking for and wanting to know. I hope that this review is helpful for you and hope it helps out. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing!