butchiesmom

You’re in the middle of some kind of project around the house: mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, whatever.

You’re hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on… shorts with a hole in crotch, old tshirt with a stain from who-knows-what, an old pair of tennis shoes with grass stains.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project, you realize you need to run to WalMart for something.

Depending on your age, you might do the following:

In your 20's:
Stop what you’re doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you’re doing, put on clean clothes and change shoes. You married the hot chick so there’s no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you’re doing. Put a sweatshirt that’s long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to WalMart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you’re doing. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt and put on a hat Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember your hat is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:
Stop what you’re doing. There’s no need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you’re not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you’re doing. Wait to go to WalMart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:
Stop what you’re doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to WalMart. Go to WalMart and wander around trying to remember what you’re looking for. You fart loudly and think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old woman who greeted you at the front door.