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Hello Gail!
As you know I'm taking into consideration that this is a rough draft but I found some spots to help maybe tighten with it. I thought that you started off your poem with a great sound to it and reading it made me smile. Anywho, on with the review which I hope to be helpful for you:
It was said horses could catch some of the same illnesses as humans and didn’t want to be ill when that mare came in season.
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I'm not sure if the horse would know any better than this but luckily horse/human sicknesses can't jump species. Or, at least, a common cold, flu, ect. wouldn't bother a horse and I'm quite happy that I can't catch anything from my girl because she rarely gets sick but when she does it's not the best thing. But, like I said, the horse probably wouldn't know this much, so I would see how he might think he could catch what his rider had.
The human came into view and Zare could tell something was wrong with him.
His aura, something which the other horses couldn’t see, faded in and out with each spurt of life fluid coming through a hole in the human’s second skin. Zare knew the humans had two skins from the number of times they had taken one layer off on rides with him.
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This sentence above read a little awkward with the mention of "skins." At first I didn't realize what skins might mean but then realized that you were probably using this to explain the humans having clothes and taking them off. This just read a bit awkward with it with it and I'd suggest maybe rewording it. I believe I know what you're trying to say but had to take a second to think about it, lol.
Another human with a killing thing entered the stable.-
This reads a bit awkward and I know what you're saying but again I think it could be reworded with it. I would suggest maybe "shiny" since horses (or, mine at least) tend to pay attention to shiny things and the blade might be shining and catch the horse's eye by the light bouncing off of it.
Another human with a shiny thing entered the stable.
He’d not seen what the thing could do but he’d asked his friend, Za’ed as they romped in the exercise corral and Za’ed told him of how other humans had fallen after having that thing pointed at them.-
Good description but what I'd maybe suggest is maybe saying how the humans didn't get back up after having the thing pointed at them or something like that. But, your description works too and I like how you explain how he has heard about it and the conversation he's had with other horses.
The standing human nudged the human on the floor with the point of one hoof. How do they walk on only two feet? Zare thought as he and the other horses nickered and snorted, tossing their head, their nostrils wide with the scent of blood and the stench of near death close to them.
Great description and I love the thought that you give the horse, lol, I sometimes wonder if my own horse thinks that to herself.
His friends drew their head back into the stalls but Zare wanted to know what the human would do next so he stayed where he was thought he was frightened by the scent of life fluid and the smell which often accompanied that scent.-
I'd just suggest rewording this sentence so it reads a little smoother. So, maybe try out:
His friends drew back into their stalls but Zare wanted to know what the human would do. He stayed where he was, though he was frightened by the scent of life fluid and the smell which often accompanied that scent.-
Anywho, I found this a fun look into your horse's mind and you did a really good job for not being around horses too much but I especially enjoyed the beginning which made me kind of chuckle to myself. I know a few geldings who like to check out my mare's tail and they do just think about one thing. I think that there are parts to tighten up with this but, of course, this is a rough draft so I do like how you laid out this scene. I really hope this review is helpful to you and thank you for sharing!
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