Poetry in Color Forum - View Single Post - Equilibrium
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Old 08-22-2008, 07:32 PM
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butchiesmom
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Real Name: Gail Deemer
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I had to look up a few words (Atma and residuum) since I hadn't encountered them before but I have to say that just increased the experience of reading this. Wow! The visual I got from this was fantastic. Like finding my soul floating around in time and space exploring, experiencing and enjoying non-life, freedom from that which binds us to our bodies and this planet.

I gotta say this is a great poem. If you put this here for critique, I really don't have much nitpicking to do, lol. I have a suggestion to tighten it but that's it. Your words are tight, each one selected to add to the images you want to project. The last two lines of this stanza, which I LOVE by the way, are bolded to show my suggestions.

The body stays not, creation demolish not.
Material consciousness oscillates, Atma explores.
The eon of all embracing energies; a residuum.
Suffusion of energy, in flawless realisation of the Almighty.


Again, tight, bold visuals, a poem I wish I'd written.

hugs,
Gail

BTW, it's great to meet you.



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