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Alright, as you know Mara has forced her way into the spot of being my favorite character in this and she is definitely strong overall with her voice and how she just seems to shake her fist at the reader as you're reading it, which I love. Anywho, I hope this review is helpful for you and I'm going to point out the things that could be improved, the parts I enjoyed, and what I overall thought of it. So, here we go!
“Midwife Mara, how can we help you?” The head of the Council spoke with a kindly voice which hid an exasperated thought, what does she want now?-
I'm gonna play around with the above start of the story, if you don't mind. It kind of reads a bit long and also I thought that the exasperated thought was Mara's, since it's from her POV, but then realized it was the head of the Council and she had that sort of tone to her voice beneath the kindness. So, here's a suggestion for ya:
“Midwife Mara, how can we help you?” The head of the Council spoke in a kindly voice with an underlying exasperatation in her voice.
“Please continue, Midwife Mara, we have much to discuss which has nothing to do with you.”
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Oh, wow, sting with the above bolded part. Actually, it's kind of rude of the guy and if I was Mara I'd just be bristling with anger! I do have a suggestion for it, if you don't mind: which does not concern you. Maybe? Or: we have much to discuss and matters to attend to. Doesn't quite sound as smooth, but, these are just suggestions and completely up to you.
I like how you say that she was feeling important with the next part but felt the sting of his comment, because he definitely let her have it with the last bit of his dialogue. I'd be stinging too, and it adds an extra element of tension with his words and her reaction that I like.
He knew the rest of the council would want the answer to this one, “Why?”
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Ohhh, I really, really like how you word this. Because not only is the Council thinking this question but I was thinking the same thing reading it and I just thought it was well-worded and liked how you stated this to the reader. And, you kept it short too, right to the point, adding an extra punch to it.
“Do you know who is using the Craft? We could nominate that person instead.”
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Lol, I like this, it shows their desperation to just pick someone, anyone for it, and I like how you convey this through this bit of dialogue to the reader that desperation.
One thing I'd like to point out is that sometimes the dialogue would get confusing with who was talking at the end of it with the people in the Council and I didn't quite know them well enough to recognize their voices/dialogue, like I easily do with Mara every time. So, that sometimes caused a bit of confusion with reading through it and not knowing who was doing the talking but I thought your dialogue progressed things nicely and you did a good job with it.
Overall, I think this is a good scene you have going on here and as I read more of your scenes and chapters with your novel, the more my curiousty grows and I really want to know more. Which is definitely a great thing! I hope this review is helpful to you and keep on writing away, Gail!
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