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Old 09-10-2008, 03:31 AM
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SarahNSH
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Hello Gail!

Wow, this is just great right here, and with knowing the conditions of when you wrote this I am even more blown away by the quality, and even the clarity, of this scene. This reads as one of the clearest scenes I've read of yours, it feels as if I'm right there with them, sitting at the table and watching. Anywho, here's a little bit that I noticed when I was reading:

Her husband flashed a smile at her.-

Just a little fix right here, I'd suggest placing "her" at the beg., but this is just a suggestion, though I know there's some kind of funtional reason for it too, I can't think quite what it is, lol.

Nothing stopped the torture completely and her husband used it to make her life miserable.
-

I think that this part right here is maybe a tad bit tell more than show, though, I understand where you're coming from since he is rather pleasant in the scene of them being at the dinner table. I can tell definitely there is something underlying going on here, and there's more than meets the eye just with your great beginning and what says within the beginning of it.

But, as you probably noticed, I really don't have too much to point out here. This is just really well done and I gotta tell you that I like Samina as a character right in the beginning. She's easy to relate to, I feel sympathy for it for what she's going through, and find her just overall likable. I am impressed by this short scene and think that it's definitely a great beginning to your story. Thank you for sharing this and keep on writing away!



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