Quote:
Originally Posted by bookthief
its' whispered by the wind that blows the leaves,
its' written on the barks of trees,
its' the reason you're skipping like stones,
its' true,you know,you love it so.
and when its' over and the wounds wilt the trees,
and feeling so intense it brings you down to your knees,
its' the reason you're sinking like stones,
we wonder why we love it so.
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Ok first thing I see right off is ....your apostrophy is in the wrong spot because your it's stands for
it is done the way you have it.... its' means its is. Can you see?
Next you can get rid of a few it's by the way. Too many make "it" redundant. A reader does not want their nose rubbed in "It". Also ...... you should be leaving the reader with the ability to know what
IT is. To me it is not clear. I think you have a good base to work with though. I mean you can expand and grow this to a really good work.
Another thing .... do we skip like stones?? Stones only skip over water when we make them do so by the way we toss them. So are we skipping over water because we have been tossed? You need to think clearly about the images you are presenting Bookthief. I do think with some work you can find the right voice and make this into something spectacular though.
If you need a little more help or suggestions let me know ... I am only to happy to help out.
Mysty
