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ALAN the JPiCan of Grumps Royalty
Last Online: 12-13-2008 10:08 AM
Location: Sussex, England
A/S/L: 67  
Join Date: Aug 28 2006
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Biography: Father of five, Grumps to two, I've been writing poetry since '93, and also love helping other poets
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Dear Jacquii,
Mainly puncts, caps, if you agree repost, then I will look at the meaning - cuz somewhere in there I got a little lost !
Well done on getting to it, a powerful piece indeed.
Love
Alan
Where Is The Joy?
Seven fields of golden-hewn wheat
graces the shoulder of this one dirt street - grace singular !
in Jackson, Tennessee. Seven sewn fields - sOwn !
laden heavily with buckwheat,
sitting just Heavenly above the rocky turmoil
of Hell's unredeemed cotton: Those fields... - no cap those or heaven/hell
- also, can you leave out the "just"?
They yield - no cap, sentence continues
a various cacophony straight from the - drop various - cacoph sez it all
daybed splendor of earth (a soil
so very soul-rich) - daybed sp of a soul-rich soil - more concise
And the labor and the toil
of harvests' birth is blood of the dust:
Unkempt and raggedy cells - no cap U
holding the bones that were first
laid down to rest splendidly; Like old - no cap L - I think a comma after rest ?
Negro slaves
and their chil'ren of plantation daze,
and their Ma'Maw, Great PaPaw and Cousin Sadie...
All of 'em simply longed hard, working - no cap A
for the zest of joy, of retribution, of restitution
and of life. Attentively they served those foul folks;
The whole while their old Negro smiles - no cap T
ironically frowned foully with strife.
(They looked upon that ole o’ seer’s beaming face - Don't think the brackets add ?
and his beating-stick of ill-fated hate
with that same-old tired Negro smile, the one
full of knowing spiritual faith.)
Did that ole "mista-massa sir"
give a damn about those two million Nigras
overcoming the slaving-fields till their dying day ? - needs ?-mark
And far beyond that... Those same nigras - no cap T
(with bleeding hands that THAT ARE still cultivatING the U.S. of A)
on death beds splintered of broken down hay.
Could "mista-massa sir" have cared?
Would he have known where is the joy,
Where is the retribution, - no cap W, and commas + one ?-mark are better
the restitution;
the life?
Would he now tell?
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