Hi LIBERTINE...
I'm not quite sure what to make of this poem. As the title says - it is a "chronicle" of sorts - but I wonder if there could be some action in this poem, as well as more definitive description... I shall endeavor to critique:
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The chronicles of a man, for you
---> "Inner City" Chronicles instead of "The" - drop the "of a man"
To gaze upon at leisure.
The illness of the human mind,
---> The illness of MANS mind,
Laid out and bound in leather.
Each dedicated verse may prove,
----> "delicate" instead of "dedicated" works towards the 3rd stanza, 2nd line
A portal to desire.
An inkwell and a quill entrusts, ----> can an inkwell or a quill "entrust"?
Ideas to be admired.
Recall the days, each one in note,
They danced the dance of passion,
----> possibly name the "dance" - ex. They danced the foxtrot of passion...
Or easier it just could be, to
----> sentence seems phrased sorta weird
Say when lust was rationed.
So long and gone the days that saw
The shy, the meek, the mild,
And paper pages log the course,
----> possibly (?) ...course.
Of man evolved from child.
----> action for the last line, ex. Man evolved from child.
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Those are just a few suggestions for this piece... I really like this poem. A lot actually - the premise of it and the theme is approached with originality. I actually liked the rhyme scheme as well. It read naturally and unforced.
Hope these ideas help AND thanx for sharing the piece with us - I look forward to your 1st revision
Jacquii.
