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I think what I like best about your piece is the lyrical flow. It's a lot of fun to read aloud, the words are explosive and fit together very well.
"my next door neighbor makes
hawking sounds."
"You hear bathroom creaks
faucet splash, then the coughing
whole globs of guts it seems
outstanding really. One might
wonder if he hacked up
his whole dinner"
The words play off each other perfectly. This would be a great poem to read out loud, especially with the mock-somber note of the ending.
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