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HI, I'm brand new here, and just realized that I posted my poem, without critiquing anyone else yet- I"m a bit rushed for time this morning, but will come back to this this afternoon.
But my first impression, my first major thought here for you is, it's too wordy.
Two options seem posible for now, keep what you want to say, and break it down into more stanzas, or take out the little "filler" words that you really don't need. I plan to be more specific, as I will be back later today to be more detailed in what I mean.
I am no professional by all means, but it seems taxing to read so much information in your lines, and it takes away from the creativity that can be expressed also.
Hope this helped for now, will be back later,
Barbarea
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