A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of titties are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of titties"

1. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
2. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
3. After fifty, they are like onions.

"Onions?" asks the boy. "Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of dicks are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases of dick."

1. In his twenties, his dick is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
2. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable.
3. After his fifties, it is like an old Christmas tree.

"A Christmas tree?" asks the daughter. "Yes," smiled the mom, "His dick is dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."