Mindings

My darkest quest
The demonic cell of Gore
Took hold the fear
And never came before.

Oh raisin bloodstone
Found upon the shore
Take hold my fear
In demonic cell of Gore

But ne’er the feeling gone
When closed the door
Or eyes tight shut
To out, the cell of Gore

Oh, damned I feel
Whilst prone upon this floor
My bones are cold within
This dampened cell of Gore

And hours pass too slowly
And my skin is truly sore
Where I scraped in desperation
Through this prison cell of Gore

Let the worms make haste to take me,
As I lie amongst the debris
And the folk who clearly hate me
Never turn their heads toward thee.

And I close my eyes forever,
In this demonic cell of Gore
Just these words alone forsake me,
To dwell beyond the door

© 2006 Philip G. Bell

erikestabrook

hello mindings this poem was well done by you

Mindings

Thank you Sir!

Altree94

You weren't kidding when you said this was a dark one! You've used the repetition well - it really adds emphasis. Perhaps it is just the way I was reading it but the rhythm seems a bit off in the 6th stanza.

Let the worms make haste to take me,
As I lie amongst the debris
And the folk who clearly hate me
Never turn their heads toward thee.

I found myself stumbling over: "amongst the debris" and "heads toward thee". It flowed smoother when I read it as:

Let the worms make haste to take me,
As I lie amongst debris
And the folk who clearly hate me
Never turn their heads to thee.

It is still a good write either way and as I said - could just be my awkward tongue, or maybe I'm just jealous that I didn't write it! TY for Posting!

Mindings

Thanks Tree, I think what you may have discovered is a variant in the way we use pronunciation within our dialects with possibly the emphasis on the word debris - the two common forms being (de) with de being as the french de and the anglicised de where the e is as in get with a slightly shorter bris. With the first common usuage you are right that dropping 'the' reads better. With the second perhaps is remains.

What an amazing thing language is.

Philip

Poetical

I really liked this a lot, it kind of reminds me of the raven by E a Poe. well done!


Paul

Mindings

Thank you Paul, I did set out to write something in his style so I'm glad it worked for you.

Philip

lanaia74

Deep, dark, and AWESPME!

Poetical

You are very welcome



Paul