seajay

a pack of big cats
growl their way to the red light,
coughing as their rubber feet roll to a stop.

crumbling concrete gives birth to weeds,
trampled by the black-suited creatures
scurrying to the big glass towers
that reach toward the neglected sun.


...honks...

.......hisses...

..shuffling...

.....sweeps...

envelop the stagnant air,
smog swirling round in the streets.

murky water drains into the infinite sewer,
time in the city drains into the infinite clock.

Mysty

hmm I know this is saying something..... Like the movie clockwork orange... there is method to madness. I will be back to comment when I have absorbed more of this work of art.

Mysty

Bear

Amazing penning of nature and what man is doing to what little nature we have left excellent CJ
handshakes
bear

JeffMeyer

CJ:

My! What powerful couplet that ends this poem! I found the four sets of ellipses in the middle of the poem more distracvting than anything. I felt the rhythm was building, and pausing at that point was awkward. But when I read of the infinite sewers, I said: "Yeah! What a thought!" And the infinite clock in the city put me over the moon. So accurate, somehow.

So, while there may have been parts I liked less than others, a superb finish really rounded this off into an extremely valuable read for me. Look forward to more!

--Jeff Meyer

mslit

I am not a city girl, but (or so) your poem hits my image of city "smack on." I love the cat's rubber feet. In the second stanza, you might consider deleting "big" because we know the towers are big.
I agree with Jeff about the ellipses. Think about dropping "as the." At first I rebelled against "infinite" twice, but now that I have reread, I see it is just right. You're from Michigan; is this Detroit?

seajay

hey, thanks all for the advice.
i took out the "as the," it flows much better now.
and yes, this is detroit.
actually, this is what detroit was years ago, but you sort of get the idea.

thanks again for the suggestions.