~Serenity~

Final Battlefield

Here again, I feel it -
Again and again it's there
Pure emotion, and I seal it
Pinned to my soul, I don't even care
Yesterday's come and gone
So has my last decent thought
Under the light of crimson dawn,
I admit defeat, my battle fought
Coming closer daily,
I feel the ending's nearer
Defeat comes running up gaily
Ecstatic that my end is clearer

~Serenity~

Sealiah

Sounds like a poem about death, but done all in metaphors. Close enough to literal, like life is the battlefield. Interesting. *four stars* I like it.

erikestabrook

could use some length, I found this work good not great it felt lik eit was rushed or not enough for me, even the end was suttle and somber, it might be evry good but a piece this abstract I'd have to get used too which may be said for others who read this too

mbironneau

Your poem is very interesting as the speaker seems to not only accept death but also his lack of power when confronted by it. Sort of like a chess player who is happy to lose to a superior player knowing that he's done his best. Great job!

MsJacquiiC

I'm surprised no one has mentioned this SERENITY - but it's the 1st thing I saw whilst taking a look at your poem HAPPY SUICIDE... Then I said WOW!

I sure like the strength of your words - that last line is just like a breath of fresh air when one has been breathing in the odorous stinch of skunk...

I can surely relate to this piece - And I look forward to you explaining your motivation/inspiration/meaning for writing this piece the way you did!

Very interesting write - Thanx for sharing it!

Jacquii.

~Serenity~

I'm glad you all liked it so much

Sealiah - Thanks so much
Erik - Hope the PM helped a little, but I'm glad you liked it even with all that in the way!
mbironneau - hehe very nice way of putting it... a different view that i'd never have thought of on my own, love it!
MsJ - I'm amazed you were the first to notice that, but you're right it was intentional of course. Thanks so much!

As for an explanation... hehe I'm no good at that! I wanted to challenge myself a little, since this was the first poem I'd written in a month or so. Soo.. I picked something to use as an acrostic... Only it seemed kinda boring to just outright talk about suicide! I liked the process of painting this picture better anyway... It's so much more flexible too! And I didn't mention the acrostic part because I wanted to see the different ways it might be interpreted. I spent about 4 days on this piece, changing it everytime to make it harder to write. I added a rhyme scheme and started to set syllables but I lost my inspiration halfway through - had to stop writing at the risk of ruining the whole feeling! And of course I tried to make the feeling real strong - so I had to use strong words... Which is a challenge for me But it was a strong feeling somewhere inside me, so I hoped it could be a strong feeling for the readers too! ...Um... how's that? hehe

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

Mindings

In the final battlefield abruptness is understandable - none the less it speaks volumes!

Philip