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Creative Traditional Celebrating Mother Earth? Seasonal, Traditional & Rhyming poetry posts here. (i.e. sonnet, limerick, haiku & all other poetic forms as seen in the Poetry-Defined section.)

The Final Cry
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Old 06-11-2007, 04:18 AM
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The Final Cry
The Final Cry


Broken heart bleeds inside her breast
Fingers clench bruising woman skin
Tears on the headstone where he rests

His last note crushed against her chest
Sanity held by silk thread thin
Broken heart bleeds inside her breast

She curses God for His cruel test
Arms long to hold her love again
Tears on the headstone where he rests

Why does death rip away the best
Why not select the ones who sin
Broken heart bleeds inside her breast

Fingers stroke where he last caressed
She longs to brush a kiss on him
Tears on the headstone where he rests

She cries for all the life he missed
Shards of her screams carried in the wind
Broken heart bleeds inside her breast
Tears on the headstone where he rests

---

Ali
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Old 06-11-2007, 11:51 AM
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Hi Ali,

A good attempt at a difficult form, the villanelle. In future you may want to have more association between the last line of a stanza and the rest of the stanza, but you have everything else down well.

Welcome to JPIC, I look forward to more of your poetry.

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Old 06-11-2007, 12:03 PM
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Thank you, Terence, for taking time to comment and suggest. Yes, villanelles are difficult to write, but I keep trying. One day, I'll be happy with the attempt too (grins). Thank you for the suggestion and I'll work on making a stronger connection.

It's nice to meet you here and I look forward to reading your poetry.

Ali
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