Creative TraditionalCelebrating Mother Earth? Seasonal, Traditional & Rhyming poetry posts here. (i.e. sonnet, limerick, haiku & all other poetic forms as seen in the Poetry-Defined section.)
Music Box
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Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
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Music Box
What happened to the music box
two figures spinning in love
weathered strings
play a dying melody
for you were
the best part of me
The music box
only opens half way
the other half
closes more and more
each day
I will hope for tomorrow
but for now
the figures kiss (Good Bye)
but never kiss (Hello)
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Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
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Thank you Mr. Barker for first taking time to read this poem, then commenting. My inspiration comes from me painting the diary of people. This happened to be the diary (experience) shared with me by one of my students (11th grade). She was sooo in love; notice I said she was. She confided in me about her pain and dissapointment in her fella, and his love disappearing more & more each day, at the end of their relationship. Hence, the music box closing more & more each day. Surprise ending though, they got married, 2 years ago, upon graduating from high school!!! hmy: Yes, they are still married today, with a 1 year old little cherub, named Michael.
This one should have come with a warning it's got me all teary eyed.
It's so beautiful and so sad at the same time it's like ur saying what I'm feeling right at this precise moment..all i can do is hope that he decides to open the box again and not lave it shut for good.
Fantastic poem Kim one of ur best imo.
Biography: Jacquii Cooke is a 32 year old Black Poet from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As Webmistress of Poetry in Color Forum, she is devoted to the more abstract styles, especially those with a strong feminine voice that center around the topic of redemption and righting the wrongs of past transgressions.
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Hey KIM - I am loving this piece very very much - It's really just a bit short of amazing how the last two lines really sums up such a TRUTH that most can relate too... It's like some sort of juxtaposition between what could/should be and what truly is... It's sort of sad, as SEBBY has noted - but it's so well written that I can't help but to smile. A kind of half-knowing, yet really wanting to deny knowledge - type of smile. Bitter, yet complacent...
If that even makes any bit of sense LOL
Quote:
the figures kiss (Good Bye)
but never kiss (Hello)
Yep - I've known this feeling that you've so amply and aptly described.
At anyrate - This is a very interesting piece of poetry - I enjoyed this one!
Thanx for sharing it.
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Reading this I could see the music box in my mind spinning. Very creative the way you wrote this and even more interesting because it was based on an actual event that didn't turn out as sad as the ending of this poem. Nice job on this one.
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
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PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
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Dear Ms Jacquii, L.W., Ms Vodka, and Ms Lioness, and Ms SS,
Thank you first for taking time to read my poem, and then comment. Yes, the surprise, was my pen could not reflect the real life happy ending, since this is based on a real life diary. Unfortunetly, in my heart, I still feel that their music box, is indeed closing more and more each day. I sure hope I am proven wrong in the long term. Thank you all for sharing.
P.S. I see ya Ms Lioness....I am sooo happy that you are here. Take Care.
!*Painted Diary*~ aka Kim
Last edited by PaintedDiary; 07-26-2006 at 09:41 PM.
Biography: Lesbian novelist who is represented in Hollywood for screen adaptation
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This so reminds me of Music Box Dancer by Frank Mills, the musical song. I had a cinderella music box and it turned into a pumpkin in an Amish field. Your lines are strong and the metaphor is spot on!
hmy: Yes, they are still married today, with a 1 year old little cherub, named Michael.
