Quote:
Originally Posted by Mysty
Spent
Angry
burning red sears
across tightly shut eyes
as words spew, rendering silent
the heart.
Tear fall,
crystal quartz drops
tracking silken aged cheeks,
in crevasses worn too deep to
soften.
Promise
for peace falls short
as expected patterns
show true colors of man's control
as beast.
A soul
conflicted in life
struggles alone to move,
weary burdens weighing it down
always.
Futile
to run away
from destinies lot.
Fate rules time with an iron thumb
unbent.
© 2007 Sandra Elizabeth Johnson
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Wow Mysty … the imagery this piece conjures up is so clear and powerful that I felt some of the anger and sadness in it … so much so that my first reaction was that I'd like to reach out and give you a great big cyber hug …
For me the five stanzas are as near to perfect as they could ever be and any revision or change would have to massive to make more of an impact on the reader than that which is already there.
I think the final stanza is very sad carrying as it does a strong feeling of
inevitability … no woman should ever be subject to the rule of an iron thumbs … whether it belongs to fate or man …
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What an intro to set the tone of this piece. At first when I read the title I thought of a relationship that after many years "Spent", seemed to dissolve or be just an illusion of some sort. I knew I would be witnessing a rich rendition (like a fine oil painting) of one's abyss of a soul. The words are so riveting that they seem to etch the heart. Also what I love about your piece is the fact that even the individual stanzas seem to be a poem and story in itself Mysty. So this series of "Cinquains" came together beautifully!!!! The message of pain and the result of a way of life governed by the "iron thumb" speaks loud and clear. However, I perceived the tone to speak louder than the voice here, and it woks beautifully. The execution is flawless and tis a poem NOT to read just once. I enjoyed this Mysty. An excellent rating!!!
