Terence

All I wanted was your love. Deep inside
of me I was too young to really know
my heart wouldn’t see the tears that I cried.

Since that first time we kissed by the hearthside,
and my body felt such a warming glow,
all I wanted was your love, deep inside

my heart. But instead you cheated and lied
about that boyfriend you once “used” to know.
Didn’t your heart see the tears I cried?

I threw you out then took you back. I tried
to forget your lies yet through all my sorrow
all I wanted was your love. Deep inside.

Then one day I woke up and I realized
how you had used me, and blinded me so
my heart wouldn't see the tears that I cried.

I’d always thought that one day we’d be bride
and groom. Now I just need for you to go.
All I wanted was your love. Deep inside,
my heart has felt every tear that I’ve cried.

mangodroplet

This poem makes me really sad
*cries*
very nice wordbuilding...
I'm just wondering why you did this :
all I wanted was your love, deep inside

my heart. But instead you cheated and lied

I know you want to keep rhyme...but you don't need heart :]
But I loved the poem nonetheless!
I hope you don't get sad that I pointed it out, but that made the poem a little less smooth....

*huggles*
I liked it anyway :]

Terence

Hi md, thanks for your reply, and question. One of the accepted ways of varying the repeated lines in a villanelle is to give them different emphasis. Enjambment also helps with that variance.

Far from sad, I appreciate you pointing out that the interuption in thought also interupted the flow for you.

Terence

mangodroplet

AHH! No!
I didn't mean that the interruption made me sad-no, it was just how your poem moved me....
i loved in :]
Great job!
Ahhhh-so it was a villanelle.... :]

Bear

Heartfelt sad penning Terrence something I have gone through also it is magnificent write
handshakes
bear

BekiLynn

this is a decent villanelle -- your two repeating lines work well. I just think some of the line breaks are a little too choppy and interrupt the flow of the poem for me....the hardest thing about writing a villanelle is finding two lines that stand up well to the repetition and you have accomplished that!

Terence

Thank you bear. I'm sorry that you have had to go through such disappointments.


I really appreciate your feedback, Beki. I actually thought the enjambment helped smooth out the prosy flow of thought but now realise my 'experiment' hasn't worked out and that perhaps I should stay within more conventional bounds for this type of poem.

Terence

Benny

Great poem!!!! Love sure ain't easy to have reciprocated...not at all.

Terence

Thanks, Benny. True, love isn't always easy. But when it's strong ... wow.

solo