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Creative Traditional Celebrating Mother Earth? Seasonal, Traditional & Rhyming poetry posts here. (i.e. sonnet, limerick, haiku & all other poetic forms as seen in the Poetry-Defined section.)

The tide of life.
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Old 10-20-2006, 05:14 AM
  post #1
backstreetdreamer
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The tide of life.
I have waited through the ages
for my bottle on the sand,
I have slowly turned the pages
as I've tried to understand,
how the tide of life is turning
and the book is not yet done,
while the life in me is burning
like the heartbeat of the sun.

I have journeyed through my being
with a pilgrims searching eye,
always looking, never seeing
as my memories bloom and die,
I have felt the grass of childhood
and ran barefoot through the snow,
for I'm just a piece of driftwood
in the ocean's gentle flow.

I have told a million stories
of the places I have been,
of the horrors and the glories
that my weary eyes have seen,
I have watched a thousand rainbows
shine their colours through the rain,
and I've seen the way the dawn glows
as it rises once again.

Once more I stand upon the beach
and look out to the sea,
my bottle floats just out of reach
but it will come to me,
and when I hold it in my hand
beneath the knowing sun,
I finally will understand
the tide of life is run...
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Old 10-20-2006, 07:56 AM
  post #2
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VERY well done!
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Old 10-20-2006, 01:56 PM
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enjoyed very much....
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Old 10-20-2006, 02:16 PM
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Yes I agree, lovely rhythm.

Philip
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Old 10-20-2006, 02:24 PM
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yes thsi poem had allot of good qualities the least qualities I owuld say would be the bottle analogy done a million times
other than that pretty good
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Old 10-21-2006, 06:12 AM
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VERY well dome!
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Old 10-21-2006, 03:35 PM
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Very nice rhymes and good flow.
One thing that I think would sound better is in this part:
Quote:
I have waited through the ages
for my bottle on the sand,
I have slowly turned the pages
as I've tried to understand,
I think it would be better if you make it "as I have tried to understand" because it creates a more rythm and flow.

Really great work!
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Old 10-21-2006, 04:19 PM
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Dear backstreetdreamer,

I love this poem. It is simply lovely. The rhyme and meter is on point, and just beautiful. I love how you equate the Sun as having a heartbeat....fantastic! Great Job! Thank you for posting!!

Painted Diary aka Kimberly



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