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Creative Traditional Celebrating Mother Earth? Seasonal, Traditional & Rhyming poetry posts here. (i.e. sonnet, limerick, haiku & all other poetic forms as seen in the Poetry-Defined section.)

What lies beyond the walls i built
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Old 07-08-2007, 03:41 PM
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What lies beyond the walls i built



What lies beyond the wall I built?
The one so strong and secure
Whose bricks are made like steel?
Tempered by my mind, Obscure

Hiding behind the rampart’s bricks
The things I hide away from lie
Plotting in secret sweet revenge
Until my defenses go awry

They’re minds are sharpened with there wits
They’re cunning, clever and adroit
They sit and whisper in the dark
Of how my mind they will exploit

But here I sit so safe and sound
No crack in bricks that I have laid
But they sit patient on opposing side
Till the day the wall’s have decade

Mmm. 'Tis a picture i took of myself. I was saving the picture and titled it What likes beyond these walls and i thought. That sounds like a good first line for a poem.
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Old 07-08-2007, 07:08 PM
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this poem was so powerful and great to read,
the thoughts just flowed and escaped,
it really was just very good,
keep in mind I didn't read anything other than the poem,
and really liked it welcome to the five star club lol



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Old 07-11-2007, 07:27 AM
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I like it too - I thought the rhythm and meter of this poem was just dead-on - Very nice combination with the pic added as well - Very creative - And though I've written poetry inspired by a picture - Never wrote a poem inspired by a picture that I took - so very nice collaboration.

My favorite lines:
Quote:
They’re minds are sharpened with there wits
They’re cunning, clever and adroit
They sit and whisper in the dark
Of how my mind they will exploit

But here I sit so safe and sound
No crack in bricks that I have laid
Nice how the title really epitomizes the poem really just as well as the picture does. A very exquisite piece of writing ASTE. Thanx for sharing it with us

Jacquii.



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Old 07-11-2007, 08:24 AM
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great post...you definitely captured a great picture and gave it a deeper meaning...the last stanza is excellent...



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Old 07-12-2007, 08:42 PM
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Victoria,
This is a lovely poem. The rythem is very sooth. Your writing is getting so good. Your photo looks professional. If you keep this up, surely you will be a writer and artist when you're grown.



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