Synchro

(severe critiques invited and encouraged)

My thoughts fly back to you,
and to the facets of your being,
beauty, giving, singing, creating
of safari to adventure, softness
and unique remembering
of images too deep within
to realize as one until my mind
is fused with yours and God's,
exulting in a sweet profanity,
one hallowed time alone.

Close your eyes, and there for us
incarnate lust--
your naked body lying over me
and thrashing with desire,
our mouths inseparable,
and I, your ready prey to succulence,
may know the heat of glory
as your thighs press down
upon my own.

And what of arms, attending
to the precious discipline
of nipples, testes, breasts and bellies
in their quest of paradise?
What of my turgid manhood,
burgeoning with every thrust
into your seething pelvis
now, again, again !
...and it is not enough.

No amazement at
the restlessness of our desire.
The absolute transcendence
of carnality that we are given
suffices now; our questing tongues,
our probing, hot demand
is ruler of the writhing scene
that would consume us
at the moment that
I blast within you
all that I may give--
but for the fact
that we have climbed Olympus
and have loosed the thunder
with the gods.

twinklewriter

of safari to adventure, softness- forth line...of..perhaps A instead...(however, I know what OF is...hehe) other than that, one hot number to read, (My only hope is, you are of adult age to be posting this kind of Poetry?) ...Twinks
:angel-wings:

Synchro

I admit I am not quite 80, yet? How old I gotta be before da poleez rap on my door?

twinklewriter

soon sweetie soon...lol
Take care hope to read more of your writings...Twinks

Storytime

Forgive me if this is not a critique forum. If it is, I believe you need to rework this with regard to meter and stress. It doesn't flow for me, it seems to be a first write (and my first writes are ordorous), I think that it can be bettered.

PaintedDiary

Yes, this is the Critique Saloon......

Painted

Synchro

Ordorous? Do you mean odorous? Yes, I have been given to understand that this is a critique forum. I appreciate your comments, though I wish you had been specific about what you didn't like. No, I am hardly a "first writer".....although my erotic poetry is quite different from my non-erotic efforts. You may wish to check out some of my other submissions. By all means, however, do feel free to be severe with me. I can take it, sponge it up, and am most willing to revise and improve.