solo

Thank-You!!!
Intricate soul....I will give it some thought....I think I have decided to try again with a completely new idea...rather than try and correct and resurrect this poem...


I just want to say to all the people who took the time to read and crit....THAT WAS TERRIBLY USEFUL....... THANK YOU ALL

Terence

solo, please don't give up on this poem, there is too much that is good in it. If you take a second look, even at a later date, new ideas will come to you.

In an English sonnet, one primarily looks for the correct rhyme scheme, iambic pentameter and the turn in the final couplet. Your rhyme scheme is perfect - no off-rhymes - and the meter is good, except for the areas mentioned. 'Proffer', I concede, could be a matter of pronounciation but even so, as is often pointed out, Shakespeare's sonnets were not always perfectly iambic. Line length does not matter so much as there are 5 iambs (or pairs of stressed/unstressed syllables) in each line. You have achieved that also. The 'turn' you have may be subtle but it fits the bill. In all, an almost perfect sonnet. Keep it in your archives, if not for now, for later review.

Very well done, and please excuse me if you are already aware of all I've said, Terence