Anonymous Encounter

The sweet caress of the lullaby weakens my demure
Pulling me deeper and deeper ‘till there’s nothing more
Reciting my fears like a ballad of poetry
Reminding me of only thee.
The weeping willow weeps like the raven doth seek
Reminding me of how I am so weak
Depicting my life on the blade of a knife
Whisking away my sorrows
‘Till the sunset of the morrow.
Vacantly I ponder all the uses of my world
And as my empty thoughts swirl my sanity begins to curl
I tremble before the Seraph, my judge he does resemble
Twirling ‘round his finger is my soul, life’s toll
Forever wringing the gong of love gone wrong.
The echo’s of my past settle in my ears
Bringing every image of my fears into my mind
Suffocating the bind until all I have is time
Twiddling its thumbs and humming a haunting tune
Killing the flower and murdering the bloom
Whispering it’s reminisce of beauty and bliss
Until all I have is this
It’s laid out before me on a bed of red roses
Sweetly singing as it proposes
Why don’t I sleep for evermore?
Why don’t I bleed from every pore?
I lay down praying for mercy
Knowing that my heart is cursing
The blackness envelopes me with a poisonous kiss
And I slip from the edge to forever fall
Arms spread wide as I cry.

Libralight

These are the parts I’d keep because they’re beautiful thoughts:

The sweet caress of the lullaby
Whisking away my sorrows
Depicting my life on the blade of a knife
my sanity begins to curl
round his finger is my soul, life’s toll
Killing the flower and murdering the bloom
Sweetly singing as it proposes
Why don’t I sleep for evermore?
The blackness envelopes me with a poisonous kiss Maybe “it’s” poisonous kiss?

I'm not saying throw the rest out, but I'd develop the rest around these lines. The reason I've chosen these lines is because they're pretty original thoughts that you don't see very often, which is the essence of good poetry. The value of this poem is that you can feel the torture the speaker is going through -- and if you've got emotion then you've got a good base to work with.

Anonymous Encounter

i like your idea. i've been posting a lot of very old poetry (this was in 2006) i've been meaning to work on this and i like what you've suggested. tomorrow i will play with it a bit. if i come to somthing i think sounds good i'll post it in the revisions section.thank you