Glass Harp - Poetry in Color Forum
 


Poetry in Color Forum




Welcome To The JPiC Community.




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:31 AM.
Official Forum Language Is English. Translate Below:
Click Here To Join JPiC Forum.

Kewl Stuff • JPiC Radio • Daily Horoscope • JPiC Arcade • Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
 »» Glass Harp
    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon

The Critique Saloon This is the place to post poems that you'd like to better by getting suggestions & constructive criticism. **NOTE** For formal critique only!

Glass Harp
this thread has 7 replies and has been viewed 421 times


Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 02-11-2007, 09:19 PM
  post #1
JPiC Senior Moderator Extraordinaire

PaintedDiary's Avatar

PaintedDiary Is The Original Thread Starter
My Mood:
Real Name: Kimberley D. Robinson
Last Online: Today 01:33 AM
Location: PA
A/S/L: 45
Join Date: Jun 23 2006
Posts: 4,427 Threads: 260
Member Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 88
Thanked 22 Times in 14 Posts
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
Awards Showcase
Contest Winner Award Titanium Friend Award Critique Extraordinaire Award Artistic Award Contributor Award #2 Hall Of Fame Contributor Award 
Total Awards: 7
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Icon6 Glass Harp
Hands aged like fine wine
Strum goblets with moist fingers
Celestial ice chimes.



Signed By PaintedDiary


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
PaintedDiary is offline   Reply With Quote
JPiC Forum Sponsor Links • This Forum is enhanced with content-revelevant advertisings...
JPiC Whole-Post Ad Policy
Whole-Post advertisings are shown only to JPiC Forum For Writers' Guests. Once successfully registered, such ads will not be shown. CLICK HERE to register your 100% FREE JPiC account today and become an active Member of our Community for Poets & Writers!

Your Ad Here

Old 02-13-2007, 06:25 AM
  post #2
JPiC Creator: Poetica Magnifique

MsJacquiiC's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Jacquii Cooke
Last Online: Yesterday 10:42 PM
Location: Sittin' on top of a big fat rainbow :D
A/S/L: 33
Join Date: Jun 8 2006
Posts: 4,603 Threads: 947
Member Blog Entries: 13
Thanks: 13
Thanked 63 Times in 53 Posts
Biography: Jacquii Cooke is a 32 year old Black Poet from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As Webmistress of Poetry in Color Forum, she is devoted to the more abstract styles, especially those with a strong feminine voice that center around the topic of redemption and righting the wrongs of past transgressions.
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
hmmmm - I don't even know if one can EVER make a haiku better... Anyway...

Hands aged like fine wine
Strum goblets with moist fingers
Celestial ice chimes.

When I read this poem - I thought about how one can make a crystal wine glass "whistle"
So my critique is based off of that... But really the haiku being such a short form, may change the whole meaning of the piece - with that said...


Hands aged, a fine wine.
Goblets whistled by moist tips:
Celestial ice chimes.

Anyway.... LOL

Nice write KIM - I think it's two distinctly "diff'rent" poems LOL - but you placed it in the Critique Saloon - so

Jacquii.



Signed By MsJacquiiC


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
MsJacquiiC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 07:29 PM
  post #3
JPiC Senior Moderator Extraordinaire

PaintedDiary's Avatar

PaintedDiary Is The Original Thread Starter
My Mood:
Real Name: Kimberley D. Robinson
Last Online: Today 01:33 AM
Location: PA
A/S/L: 45
Join Date: Jun 23 2006
Posts: 4,427 Threads: 260
Member Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 88
Thanked 22 Times in 14 Posts
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
Awards Showcase
Contest Winner Award Titanium Friend Award Critique Extraordinaire Award Artistic Award Contributor Award #2 Hall Of Fame Contributor Award 
Total Awards: 7
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Ms Jacquii, I love both of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!

{{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}



Signed By PaintedDiary


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
PaintedDiary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 03:31 AM
  post #4
JPiC Creator: Poetica Magnifique

MsJacquiiC's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Jacquii Cooke
Last Online: Yesterday 10:42 PM
Location: Sittin' on top of a big fat rainbow :D
A/S/L: 33
Join Date: Jun 8 2006
Posts: 4,603 Threads: 947
Member Blog Entries: 13
Thanks: 13
Thanked 63 Times in 53 Posts
Biography: Jacquii Cooke is a 32 year old Black Poet from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As Webmistress of Poetry in Color Forum, she is devoted to the more abstract styles, especially those with a strong feminine voice that center around the topic of redemption and righting the wrongs of past transgressions.
Surfs The Web With:
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Well I like my smilie better LOL
Just don't know how you could expect a critique from that.
Haiku is a short form - so the stray comma is apt to change it...
Anyway- yeah - I like my smilie better so

Jacquii.



Signed By MsJacquiiC


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
MsJacquiiC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 08:59 AM
  post #5
JPiC Senior Moderator Extraordinaire

PaintedDiary's Avatar

PaintedDiary Is The Original Thread Starter
My Mood:
Real Name: Kimberley D. Robinson
Last Online: Today 01:33 AM
Location: PA
A/S/L: 45
Join Date: Jun 23 2006
Posts: 4,427 Threads: 260
Member Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 88
Thanked 22 Times in 14 Posts
Biography: Teachers, like candles; consume a little of ourselves everyday, so our students can shine bright.
Surfs The Web With:
Awards Showcase
Contest Winner Award Titanium Friend Award Critique Extraordinaire Award Artistic Award Contributor Award #2 Hall Of Fame Contributor Award 
Total Awards: 7
PaintedDiary has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsJacquiiC View Post
Well I like my smilie better LOL
Just don't know how you could expect a critique from that.
Haiku is a short form - so the stray comma is apt to change it...
Anyway- yeah - I like my smilie better so

Jacquii.
Ms Jacquii.......you are so right. Don't know what I was thinking. LOL!!! I do like your smiley better, cuz no one messes with BOSS LADY!!!! Thank you so much for helping with my ku.

{{{{~~~***KIM***~~~}}}}



Signed By PaintedDiary


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
PaintedDiary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 10:33 AM
  post #6
VIP

erikestabrook's Avatar

My Mood:
Last Online: Yesterday 04:29 PM
A/S/L: 24
Join Date: Aug 6 2006
Posts: 1,677 Threads: 214
Member Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 19
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Biography: I have my own website now erikestabrook.com, I hope you'll meet me there as well
erikestabrook has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
you just did some minor changes to this,
this is like the mega-haiku,
so poignant and stand-outish



Signed By erikestabrook


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
erikestabrook is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 01:37 PM
  post #7
Moderator

nomadicrhymer's Avatar

My Mood:
Real Name: Therese
Last Online: Today 02:59 AM
Location: San Dimas, CA
A/S/L:
Join Date: Nov 14 2006
Posts: 1,933 Threads: 121
Member Blog Entries: 2
Thanks: 8
Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts
Biography: divorced, 4 children, 2 still at home...planning to retire in Belize soon!
Surfs The Web With:
nomadicrhymer has not championed any arcade games.
Instant Message Info Is Private.
Your specialty here, PD...the short and sweet, poignant and intrinsically inspirational!!
Lovely! "hands aged like fine wine"...that's exactly what I feel about my grandma's face!! Beauty beyond beauty!
Nomad



Signed By nomadicrhymer


Forum Signatures Are Not Shown To Unregistered Guests.
CLICK HERE to Register Your Free JPiC Forum Account.
nomadicrhymer is offline