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    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon

The Critique Saloon This is the place to post poems that you'd like to better by getting suggestions & constructive criticism. **NOTE** For formal critique only!

If I Should Die
this thread has 18 replies and has been viewed 730 times


View Poll Results: What does this poem truly relate to?
Thoughts of impending death of a spouse. 4 80.00%
Thoughts of impending death of a slave. 0 0%
Thoughts of impending death of a dominate. 1 20.00%
Thoughts of a king on his deathbed. 0 0%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 12-20-2006, 06:28 PM
  post #1
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If I Should Die

IF I SHOULD DIE
.
Should Death at midnight take my hand
Have me depart this windswept land
Death from thee then, my love would keep
Would’st thou but...weep.
.
Slow funeral marching draws uphill
But to a single bagpipe trill
Neath stormy darkened skies I leave
Would’st thou but...grieve.
.
This dry husk lowered in the pit
And e’er they shoveled in the grit
Could’st thou but bring a single rose
The one I...chose.
.
That scented rose to thee I sent
When yearning for thy sweet consent
In pages of thy book thee press
Thou told me...yes.
.
In sweet submission thee to me
Thee know thee always held the key
That would unlock the locks of pain
But wear the...chain.
.
The flat dry rose still holds the scent
Of all the times that we have spent
Thy smiles, thy laughter and thy lust
Now crush to...dust.
.
Upon my casket in the grave
Let rose dust sift on this poor slave
Thee always knew the truth to be
I slave...to thee
.
SARTOR



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Old 12-20-2006, 07:04 PM
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I couldn't vote on this because I think its neither I certainly enjoyed this poem, I think its the death of humanity and its lust for meaning



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Old 12-20-2006, 11:23 PM
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I enjoyed this poem too. I love the language you've chosen to use. The old English style suits you well. But for the poll I dare not dwell on it, nor tell. Seems a lovers' reverie: strange and true. But dost thy write of separation blues?

Interesting write!

Thanx for sharing it.

Jacquii.



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Old 12-21-2006, 11:34 AM
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Erik.........The answer lies before your eyes.

Jacquii.....It is of course based on separation, but not of the author. All the clues are within the stanzas of the poem and the poll is simply for me to find what others see in my poetry. I am curious of how different people interpret a poem. Dare to dwell upon the poll Jacquii.....I dare you !



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Old 12-30-2006, 01:55 AM
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Dear Sartor,

I am not sure of the poll, however, after reading the poem (which is beautiful), I thought of Coretta Scott King. She was carried on a horse carriage threw the streets as people threw roses on her casket. There was a single person who played "Amazing Grace" with a bagpipe as well.

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Ok, I voted death of a spouse



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Old 12-30-2006, 02:00 AM
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Well Sartor; I voted for death of a spouse - that seemed the closest - but it is not really. It is more about a man who is regretfully contemplating the death of his wife's love for him.

What I see in this poem are perfect rhymes, great rhythm, wonderful imagery and fantastic technical skills that make reading it a pleasurable experience!



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Old 12-30-2006, 02:01 AM
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Biography: Jacquii Cooke is a 32 year old Black Poet from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As Webmistress of Poetry in Color Forum, she is devoted to the more abstract styles, especially those with a strong feminine voice that center around the topic of redemption and righting the wrongs of past transgressions.
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