lil Flow

Even with all the beauty the world offers me,
I look at my dirt stained hands and see nothing.
Compared to the billboard visions of MTV success,
I am barley a dot on the radar.
To my name I have no creations,
no skill,
no talent,
no luck.
I am not famous,
I have no cameras fallowing me home OR love struck fans
I do not have millions of dollars, if even a dollar,
I am common, so there for unimportant.
All that I have,
I have deligently worked for,
the sweat, the pain, the blood,
that has gone into a complex whirlwind of a story
called: my life.
Had I been born into riches,
I ponder the result of my life.
Had I been born into the dream they call; AMERICA
would my life be different?

alanmdouglas

Dear Lil,

LOVE the real name, but Lil is shorter !

I hope this is NOT your real feelings about yourself, cuz you have in fact created a very good poem, which for me needs only minor changes to be even better. These are mainly spellings or puncts, that is all.

I will post your poem below, with a * where I suggest a change. But do understand that ONLKY if you agree, should you change, cuz it has to stay your poem.

Love
Alan

Even with all the beauty the world offers me,
I look at my dirt-*stained hands and see nothing.

To my name I have no creations,
no skill,
no talent,
no luck.
I am not famous,
I have no cameras fallowing me home OR love struck fans.*
I do not have millions,* or* even a dollar,
I am common so therefore* unimportant. - one word
All that I have,
I* have deligently worked for, - put in space
the sweat, the pain, the blood,
that have* gone into a complex wh*irlwind of a story
called: my life.
H*ad I been born into riches,
I ponder the result of my life;*
had I been born into the dream they call* AMERICA, - no comma there
would my life be different?

A very interesting point of view, and very well expressed. I hope my comments have been of some help, and I look forward to reading more of your unique poet's-eye views !

Oh, lastly, it should be ImmigrAnt !

lil Flow

I edited this to make a little more sense. But this poem is not really about me. Althought I am not orignaly from the states, I have grown up here. I was just describing the struggle many people go through in the persuit to establish themselves as someone, in a land that doesnt want to give them the dream. I also feel that the way you write something has alot to do with how the person reads it. sometimes its not sposed to be spelled right. or the order of the words are places so that the reader, hears or thinks about a certain word before another. to paint an image. but thanks to all who have commented. It means alot!