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    JPiC Portal » Main Forum Index » Poetic Colours » The Critique Saloon

The Critique Saloon This is the place to post poems that you'd like to better by getting suggestions & constructive criticism. **NOTE** For formal critique only!

Male fairy tales
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Old 12-22-2006, 06:54 PM
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Male fairy tales

more to share

Male fairytales

Once upon a time,
That young man
Sitting there, directly opposite me
With his legs wide open
And a skin head instead of hair
Was a little boy,
A little boy who not so much loved the world
But at least cared.

If my memory serves me well
I could swear that
That young man used to give me Big Bear hugs,
And smile all the while
As pleasant as a prince
Now, my greeting is a discreet
Nod of the head
‘y’alrite Rhona’ , he saids.

Once upon a time
Conversations were not needed.
We would play,
With our minds as free as bubbles,
Talking of the dreamy future, our shared passion
And giggling all the way.
Today, we concentrate on tougher subjects:
Politics, religion, the differences between men and women
And how our generation will kill the world, in time.

We never were the same: he and I
But we used to stick
Like toffee apples we were so different
Yet so great, combined.
But nowadays, the liberalist and the jingoist
Do not often go to tea
They would have very little to agree on other than to disagree
And now sitting here waiting on he Bitter sweet scent of nostalgia

I have a proposal –
Maybe once upon at time
That young boy sitting there, in front of me
With his head turned backwards
And his mind locked, in an invisible cage
Was a little man
A little man, whom suffered
Tearlessly, under the tyranny of the world.
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Old 12-22-2006, 06:59 PM
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lovely poem violet, i'm not going to critique it since I liked it so much,
someoen else can do that, its defantly very realistic and very engageing



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