Amzy

In your hand you hold my arm
And in your eyes a foolish trust
Having met so recently
We fight to contain primal lust

The look in your eye reveals
That I have what you most desire
I have swept you off your feet
And captured your heart with my fire

I focus intently on you tonight
I can hear your quick heartbeat
Longing to cave to my desire
Knowing your taste must be sweet

As I take you softly in my embrace
You ask this question motives unseen
“What is the colour of your love?”
Before sinking my fangs I whisper “Sanguine”

erikestabrook

amz this ones funny and clever haven't lost your touch,
I forgot how much I missed your stuff

Amzy

Thanks, Erik. And thanks for prodding me to write again.

PaintedDiary

Dear Amzy,

I agree with Erik. When you post it is such a treat! The title first captured my attention. You drew me in from beginning to end weaving a masterful tale of eloquent words, with a beautiful twist at the end. Also, most appealing was your choice of the word "Sanguine", as this was perfect, for a perfect ending.

Since this poem is in the Critique Saloon, I will say that I did not see anything that needing changing, refinement, or correction. You gave just enough for the audience to ponder, then you satisfied our hungry imaginations with that ending. I love the words "primal lust", and those words got me to thinking....I will stop there.

This poem is memorable and moving. When an artist writes something that the audience remembers, and can be moved by ...is masterful writing. I believe you have displayed that with this poem. You also continue to amaze me with your range, exceptional writing skills, and your work has that............. factor.

Thank you for sharing, and for me I am not a master poet, nor a master critique-er, but I say leave it as it is.

~*Painted*~

Amzy

Thanks for the thorough review, Painted Kim. Glad you liked it. I must confess, I was liking the word "sanguine" at the moment and the rest of the poem was to support that. It just sounds so ... sinister.

Altree94

Good one, Amz! Except for a couple of missing commas and periods, this doesn't need changing at all! Even though the syllable count for each verse is different, it still flows well and the rhymes are right on. I'd call this good contest material!

Amzy

Thanks, Tree. Rather than clutter this with punctuation, I removed what was there. I think it works better now.