J. Marie

My Ruptured Heart…

I sit in total darkness
broken hearted, chest aching
as though my heart was ripped
out of its cavity …crushed to the
ground in millions of tiny pieces.

Fragments of flesh lay there, my
heart now puzzle pieces of my
love, the love I held for only you,
never to be placed back together again
to seal the void, to allow anyone else inside.

Agony is numbing me,
to a distorted state of mind.
Tears run down my cheeks
uncontrollably, like the blood
seeping from my tattered heart.

November 13, 2006
Copyright Janie Marie

alanmdouglas

Dear Jane,

This is good descriptive stuff, and one certainly gets the poets PoV - but I have to say, it is not so much a poem as prose, tho I think it could be amended to become a poem. One way of doing this might be to have a unifying line or comment after each verse ?

I see a way of doing this with that interesting PUZZLE PIECES line

I sit in total darkness
chest aching, with broken heart
as though IT WERE ripped
out of its cavity …crushed to the ground
in millions of pieces

Fragments of flesh LIE there,
pieces of the love I held for you,
never to be placed back together again
to seal the void, to allow anyone else inside.
Puzzle pieces of my heart

Agony numbs me,
a distorting state of mind.
Tears run down my cheeks,
blood seeping from my tattered heart.
Some pieces lost, for ever ....

Please know I offer these ideas for you to take or toss, but if you like the recasting, I would also suggest you call the whole poem PUZZLE PIECES.

Love
Alan

J. Marie

Thanks for your reply. You know that is some great advice you gave. It's funny I almost did name the poem "Puzzle Pieces" LOL
So I am going to revise slighly otherwise I think I nailed my feelings at the time. I think you feel it's prettty good all in all too except for the name change and adding in that little extra line.....

Thanks again
Love, Janie