Nikos Tselepides

Ms Jacquii,

Thanks again for the comments.

I will make some revisions of the poem according to your suggestions in due time, first in a .doc file, and if they look pleasing, I will post them. If the poem turns out worse (to my ears, at least), I will not.

Critique: it helps in many ways, of course, but it does not automatically presuppose changes. One change that I could immediately make that will not adversely affect the poem is to capitalize "negresses". The others, as suggested, are a different matter as they would affect the compactness of the tone and the jaggedness of the rhythm I want. So do not get offended if I do not follow your instructions to the letter, please. They are appreciated as they throw light on the personality and tastes of those doing the critique and help me see how they think and react. What I mean to say is that they show how the critiquers think and what their aesthetic values are, and that is very valuable. I havce already made the change Kim suggested, and uncapitalized the lines wherever possible, so at least one piece of advice has been followed. The others are still questionable and under consideration.


Meanwhile, I am not so sure the readers of this have managed to see its full spectrum as no one has indicated that they have actually read the links and listened to Gainsbourg and seen him on the videos--this is a multi-media poem after all, and ideally it should go to a category named "multi-media poems", but the forum does not seem to have one, if I am not mistaken. To see the poem in its entirety means using the links--a couple of mouseclicks away.

I am going to London and Paris for a week or so on business and holiday and will get back to you when I come home. Then I will see about the TAG thing you pm-ed me about. I still do not understand what that is--so please explain if you have a minute. I am leaving tomorrow.

Thanks again.

MsJacquiiC

Good enough... And I'm not sure about "multi-media" poem LOL - that sounds a bit too new-age for my tastes, as it always interesting that we gain some insight about the Artistes inspiration - but anyway - may take a look at the links a little later, as I've already surfed the day/night away lol - and managed to get very little work done...

At anyrate - Tag Poetry is a collaboration game where Poets tag each other back and forth to complete a 6-stanza poem - there's been more than a couple of the collaborations that have turned out to be spectacular pieces of art if I do say so myself - The 1st one of course features Yours Truly and PaintedDiary. It's entitled Jazz Singer Girl -- You may like it - It actually may give you some insight on why I KNOW "Negresses" is to be capitalized -- If you want - you can even post in the thread and tell us how much you like it! We always love great flattery from NIKOS

Anyway - simply visit the thread and make not of the rules like I mentioned in the PM and collaborate with your fellow JPiC Poets! I think you should be able to add the lines in the next day or so

Jacquii.