dusickpoetry

If sympathy would rid you,
I'd easily pull it from within
and give you everything you need
(be it not me) because when I met you,
I signed myself up for a Hell of an ending
(most literally meant)-
Exchanging hearts should be
part of a contract especially when
listening to you sent enough "inspiration"
to write of the world,
even if it was more than
fake and a bit misleading.

And I can't seem to afford these eyes
to hold shadows heavier than themselves.
But, if sleeping came with dreaming,
I'd ask to be held in your arms all night,
but that seems all too contradictory
when I awake (only) from the nightmare.
You said you fear death for me,
I said I just need(ed) sleep.

And I can feel it under my throat,
just waiting (to be taken).
I can feel the shaking in my hands
and the uneasy silence in my chest.
And for one reason or another
(you say I'm trying to get (to) you,
but really, I'm just trying.)
I listened to your voice inside my head
and how everything is spiraling out,
but I'm not sure out of where
or who's steady mind it'll land on text,
but it's not my problem (yet)
because words aren't meant to keep you alive,
just meant to tear misery from
the roof tops of this "soldier".

You say I'm not around anymore,
but "busy" meets "distant" conveniently.
And it's not like it matters, because
I think I'm only alive to wish this kid
dead (and for you and her), but
that may be the best lie I've ever written.
And while it may be, I'm still afraid
I'm going to lose to you "next year"'s
because you think the only way we can
talk is by breaking into my locker,
but have you thought of trying
"hello"s instead?, because,
I think it's proven they work better.
Either way, make up your mind,
because one text it's "there is no next time"
to "I'll keep that in mind"
but that's the last thing I'll do-
is keep you rotting in my misery.

Mysty

Hi Alisha..

I have been trying to give you a good critique. But truthfully I have to say all the ()'s have distracted me from this diatribe of the breakdown of a relationship. The best part for me ... is this part

This section I think everyone can identify with. The rest seems to be a cold, distant one-sided story. All You saids .... and not why or any replies. The comments in brackets really distract. They are bitter recriminations. Maybe you can break this poem down back to the emotions and lead the reader along the trail to what made it bitter.

I honestly do not know what else to say.


Mysty