Sartor

Riptides In Poetry

Slow, swirling water, washes over me,
in riptides and whirlpools,
that flood, then ebbs, yet not consistently,
but, sometimes leaves seashells, like brilliant jewels,
by the receding ebb.
Empty flotsam and jetsam left ashore,
leave me entangled as I was before,
an insect on a web.

Alerted by vibrations on the net,
bright white, it waits for me.
Though I can not remember or forget,
confusion reigns upon my raging sea.
Web-netted there I wait,
while slowly stirring embers in my mind,
the flame of inspiration there to find,
so eager to create.

The solitude of silent wax and wane,
that hovers over me.
A cloud of fog that drifts across my brain,
with rows of shadowed words I dimly see,
floating within my mind.
Dimmering there within the depths of thought,
desired satisfaction all for naught,
still vague and undefined.

Benighted, I await the absent glow,
casting my thoughts abroad.
The shadows sharpen to a high plateau,
in fearful wonderment ,I’m waiting, awed.
Bespangled you appear,
jeweled, perfect words afloat in your aura
ideal words that come in a plethora,
my Muse, at last, is here.

Sartor

erikestabrook

I enjoyed this free-floating struggle that ends beautifully
twas captivating and very much rich detail very enjoyed by me
great job Sartor

Sartor

Thanks Erik.........Appreciate your remarks.

PaintedDiary

Dear Sartor ,

This was magnificent! I love the compatibility and analogy of the Sea to Poetry! Perfect rhyme is your claim to fame, and you did not disappoint us here a bit! The selection of words were masterful as well. The last stanza was simply exquisite. I believe the scheme is abab c dd c, and was intriguing. Great write Sartor, and thank you for posting this beauty!

{{{{{~~~***KIMBERLY***~~~}}}}}

Sartor

Hi Kim...........Thank you for your most kind words. I enjoyed writing this poem about my elusive Muse. I see you have taken my advice and have figured out the various rhyme schemes you come across. It is an excellent habit to have if you intend to write rhyme. I have written several poems using this same rhyming pattern. It is a scheme I find rather intriguing. Thanks again Kim.

PaintedDiary

Dear Sartor,

Yes! You have taught me well. I even surprised myself, when I acknowledged the rhyme scheme, and was able to write it! I was so pleased, and thought, I must thank you so much. I still have been studying as well. I did not stop after your gracious help. Thank you again Sartor. Love Ya!!

KIM

~Serenity~

A penned piece about finding a muse? Definitely an interesting read, as of course expected from JPiC's own Sartor. ^-^ Put to such lovely words, this process seems so... beautiful! =) Course, I know I usually can't STAND it when my own muse is hiding.

As always, you've penned some amazing things here. One thing particularly stuck in my mind:
Though I can not remember or forget,
confusion reigns upon my raging sea.

Much love to ya for sharing this!!

Smiles!,
~Serenity~

Terence

Hi Sartor,

A thoughtful, well-executed poem. I’ve just a couple of things you might consider.

In S1, L3 ‘ebb’ would keep consistent with ‘flood’. The repetition of ‘ebb’ in L5 could perhaps be avoided with ‘recede’. In S1, L8, something on the lines of a fish, a dolphin, in a net would keep the watery theme, though a change to the rhyme in L5 would also be needed. S2 still keeps in with that.

S3, L6 ‘dimmering’ is a new word to me and I’m sure you could find an alternative.

You play out the metaphor well. Nicely done.

Terence

Sartor