Nikos Tselepides

FROM SOMETHING IN THE AIR

From something
In the air
An idea fleeting
Perhaps a winged something
Or other
Only an instant
Cutting through the eye
Of the mind
Like a glittering knife
I grabbed these
Few images
A long drawn-out kiss
Between us two
As lovers for the first time
Again, full
With expectation
Your fingers soft
On my skin
Our eyes not faded
By time
Burning, burning
With everything
In and out
What was it we said
Irrelevant
In this instant union
In the air
Like mayflies
Come and gone
So quick
Their colors left behind
And a fragrance of spring



Nikos Tselepides
10th February, 2005

Curtis Spider Lee

Nikos Tselepides

Thanks Curtis Spider Lee.

You write some nice poems too, I think.

I would like more criticism by all and I hope it comes.
Thanks again.

Mysty

This is lovely Nikos but ..... hard to read all as one..... maybe a few line breaks would make it easier..... for example ....... also substituted a few words..


From something
In the air
An idea fleeting
Perhaps a winged something other
Only an instance
Cutting through the eye
Of the mind
Like a glittering knife

I grabbed these
Few images
A
long
drawn-out
kiss
Between us two
As lovers for the first time
Again, filled
With expectations

Your fingers soft
On my skin
Our eyes not faded
By time
Burning, burning
With everything
In and out
What was it we said?

Irrelevant!

In this instant union
In the air
Like mayflies
Come and gone
So quick
Their colors left behind

A fragrance of spring



Just a few humble suggestions ...... you can use or lose them Nikos. Other than this I truly enjoyed this one.

Nikos Tselepides

Mysty, thanks.

Your comments are well-received. I liked the separation of the last line, so it stands by itself, and the attendant change from "And" to "A" .

Second stanza: I see why you cut the lines that way--a visual impression of 'long, drawn-out kiss'. That kind of spreadout has to be inbred in the poem from the start and must be in the way the poet originally writes. I could adopt it, but it would betray my way, but I will ponder the matter before I decide.

The world "Irrelevant" is one that will not do for me, as, on principle, I avoid all abstract terms, nouns or adjectives and stick to the teachings of my masters who said never to use abstractions or use them as little as possible. "Expectation" is also abstract, but less so, as it can mean "desire" (with some luck) with some readers.

Otherwise, thanks for the good comments and I will look at the poem again and see what I can incorporate.

I am aware that I write a kind of poetry which is not usual for this forum. It tends to be blunter and more direct in some ways, worse in other ways, but it has its own stamp and is at least recognizable in that sense. I hasten to add here that terms such as "good" or "bad" poetry are to me meaningless, as poems for me are what I can relate to and what I cannot relate to, and that is what makes them click for me or fail. My own work belongs to an an older, by-gone age, probably the 60's and 70's, as far as its influences go. And it is also associated with the mentality of those years and the aspirations of that era. I was heavily influenced by Wallace Stevens, Ezra Pound, the Beats, Gary Snyder, Kenneth Rexroth, the Confessionals, and the Women poets of the 60's, and all the writers Pound, Rexroth, and Snyder advised me to read. I knew the two latter men personally and often heard them speak about all kinds of stuff in poetry. That explains a lot of my work and the literary critics of my published work have also discovered these influences without being told--those that have read these poets. at least.

Mysty

LOL Nikos ....... you are not that dang old ... so come down off your high horse and join the crowd........Must get damned lonely up there on your pedestal at times hmm? By the way ... Irrelevant was the word you used ..... I just punctuated it .. but I am sure you will utilize what you can. Ultimately we need to keep that familiar feeling with our own work.

But old man..... it doesn't hurt to try something new once in a while hmm?

Just teasing Nikos..

Mysty