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The Critique Saloon This is the place to post poems that you'd like to better by getting suggestions & constructive criticism. **NOTE** For formal critique only!

Song Of Spring
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Old 03-12-2007, 05:32 PM
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Song Of Spring
Churning, chortling merrily
under fast- melting snow,
down the side of a busy street,
past where children play.

Small boy in father's fishing pants,
snitched from the garage,
rubber boots squeak in protest,
on sun- warmed dampened path.

Running in torrents from the eaves,
splashes world below,
rainbow colored puddles,
between the parked cars.
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Old 03-12-2007, 05:52 PM
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Lovely song of Spring...I've spent many days playing in the rain running down from the eaves...very relatable and brings to mind happy times!

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Old 07-28-2007, 04:57 PM
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i can totally see a lil boy.. practically swimming in his father's clothes.. just marchn around town, the only rule is to splash in as many puddles as possible.. that's really cute
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