J. Marie

To my best kept secret.....

Forever I will treasure the
times we share together.

Hidden moments of passion,
time moves to quickly.

Wanting to stop the clock, never
letting go of this forbidden
passion we share.

Far and few in between those
hours bring such meaning to me.

In your arms only,I feel safe,
secure. Your soothing touch
calms my body.

Releasing tension, melting
my heart, my soul. I find
it difficult to let go.

Wrapped up in the moment,
feelings grow deeper. Never
thought it would be you
who moves me so.

Holding back my inhibitions some,
for you don’t belong to me.
Right now I will be happy to linger.
Secretly wishing you were mine.

I will always cherish this point
in time when you were mine, "if
even for a few hours at a time".

PaintedDiary

Comma after mine......maybe brackets or parenthesis (spelling) around the last line to make it stand out. This is such a wonderful ending, give it the authority is deserves!!!! I loved this J. Marie, and am glad it will be published. I know the feeling of wanting, and others can relate as well. I also believe the flow or fluidity of the poem, as well as the layering was appropriate. I felt the passion, which like I said, you write from your abyss, and t comes out in your work!

Hope this helps, as these are suggestions, of my own opinion, please adjust to your own liking, and style, and what fits best. Take Care.

Kim

Altree94

Loved this poem, the title and the flow of the rhythm. I have to agree with Painted Diary though - it does need some spice. Throw in some hot, passionate, descriptive words! It's a subject that calls out for emphasis. Perhaps making the summary more emphatic would help to spice it up too. Something like :

I will forever cherish these stolen hours,
for you were MINE!
(even if only for a short time).

The only other suggestion I have is to watch the grammar.
(time moves too quickly) (to = movement towards something, too = more than something).
Hope this critique isn't too late. When is it going into publication?

J. Marie

Thank you Tree for your suggestions..maybe when I have more time I will spice it up a bit. I have no where honestly to publish it. Have the poets book for 2006 but life has been so complicated and hectic to say the least I haven't had time to try and get it published.....not sure where to start.
Any suggestions? Plus not quite so confident if my poetry is good enough for publication yet.
Thank you so much..if I redo it will post it and let you know. J. Marie